


Transatlanticism

by Byebyebye



Category: Football RPF
Genre: James had a bad dream, M/M, seriously, there's no excuse for the amount of fluff, this is just pure fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-05-02 04:19:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5233844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Byebyebye/pseuds/Byebyebye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James had a bad dream, and he calls Toni</p>
            </blockquote>





	Transatlanticism

**Author's Note:**

> I did some changes to this story, as the original was just stupid.  
> If the story is bad, just bear with me as this is the first story I've written for ao3, and you're welcome to leave feedback, both positive and negative :)  
> I do not own the characters, nor is this real.

The first thing James does after sitting tangled up in sweat-drenched sheets is to dial a number he hasn't used since last Tuesday. The bill is probably going to make him wince, calls over the Atlantic aren't exactly cheap, but it's not like he's poor. His yearly income could most likely drown grown men if he were to withdraw all his money in 5-Euro notes, and isn't that a weird thought to have when you're chewing your nails and your heart almost beats out of your chest because 'why the hell isn't he answering?’ For one second he contemplates hanging up, to try again later, maybe Toni's just being busy with training? It's surely a training session going on at the Valdebebas now, and it would be reasonable of Toni to prepare himself as much as he can before the El Clasico, right? Benitez wouldn’t be too happy about James interrupting Toni’s training either, but then again, Benitez isn’t too happy with anything James does lately.

But then the seconds on his phone is ticking as the numbers on a bomb, and why isn’t he saying anything, he should just stop thinking and ask Toni if he's okay, if he's hurt- James just stops thinking and presses the phone to his ear. For a second all he hears is silence before a muffled " _Hallo_?" sounds over the Atlantic, over the speakers, but James is still uncertain if that's the voice of a healthy breathing person. "James?" He can't breathe, because Toni is saying his name and he just wants to cry, he's so scared. "James, are you okay?" Now his breath is coming out in hitches, he should be the one asking Toni that, but he can't speak. 

"Are you okay?" Is the only thing that comes to mind, it's the best thing he can say without his voice giving out, but it's just enough to pinpoint his chaotic mind at the moment. The phone stays silent for a few more valuable seconds, before Toni blurts out a slightly more alert "What?" Toni sounds so disbelieving; James is scared he’s going to hang up. “I know it sounds stupid, just answer me Toni, are you okay?” Another minute of silence, and now James is fairly sure Toni is about to hang up because he sounds hysterical. Why isn't he saying anything? James mind is entirely silent for the first time in what feels like an eternity. "Toni?" It comes out as a whimper, he's just so worried. "Just say you're okay  _querido_ , please?" And then Toni is mumbling apologies before walking away from the soft murring of voices that has been present through the entire call. "James, what are you talking about? I’m at training right now, nothing’s happened?”

And then it’s as if a ray of light sweeps over James’ mind. Because this means that James’ mind is a big fat liar, that nothing James has witnessed in his sleep is true. Toni is in Madrid, safe and sound and probably smelling of James’ shower gel. James whispers a quick thanks to God and squeezes his eyes shut so tightly that he can see stars, but in the background Toni is calling his name. "James, are you okay?" It's the second time Toni asks him that in the matter of minutes, and James realises that his heavy breathing makes him sound like a very pregnant woman about to give birth, and that's not an appropriate thought, as Sergio's girlfriend just gave birth and why is he thinking? Stop thinking James. Toni sounds just as worried as he himself did for some minutes ago. James sniffles, and _Dios mío_ , now he's  _crying_ , even though Toni doesn't even have a broken fingernail.

"Y-Yeah." His voice is shaking from unshed tears, he's just so relieved that Toni's not hurt. "I-" He has to break off to inhale deeply, before finding the strength to talk again. "I was just s-so scared. I had a really, really bad dream." And now he's full out bawling because it's as if his chest was full of cotton and Toni's just made it all dissolve into air. All that's left is relief and tears and they mix together in a disgusting hurricane of hiccups, snot and something that sounds like a car honking. He never wants to feel like he did for some minutes ago ever again. All he wants is to go home and feel Toni’s strong arms around him. Thoughts like these runs through his head while he hears Toni making reassuring noises in the background.

After minutes of James' crying and several tissues later, James lies under the thin covers in his hotel bed, only listening to Toni's soft, German muttering and trying to calm his own breath. "Are you okay James?" Toni asks in that warm soft voice of his, and if James could, he would crawl into it and never leave. (He has to stop thinking.) James nods weakly before he remembers that Toni can't see him. "Yeah, it was just a really bad dream…” James trails off, can't bear the thought of a lifeless, paler-than-usual, Toni. "If anything ever happens to you I don't know what I'd-" Then he almost starts crying again, but Toni's quick to comfort him this time. "Shh, yes, I know. Please,  _engel_ , don't cry, nothing's happened to me, everything's alright, I promise." James can hear the curiosity in his voice, but is thankful for that Toni doesn’t ask. He can’t bear going through that without having to bawl his eyes out again.

"You promise?" James whispers across the deep, cold Atlantic into Toni's ear. He needs to hear it one more time. That everything's going to be fine, that the Toni he’s speaking to has no resemblance to the Toni in his nightmares. "I promise  _liebling_." And really, James shouldn't believe him, because deep inside he knows Toni would promise him all of the stars in the winter sky in the blink of an eye, but he's frightened and sad, so he decides to just trust Toni. "Okay." Then he listens to Toni's breathing. It’s right there in his ear, steady and collected and full of life. It’s just what James needs to calm down.

James realises to his great shame that he has totally forgotten about that Toni’s at training right now, been selfishly keeping him away from it. "I'm sorry Toni, I'm sure you want to get back to training, and I should probably sleep-“"I love you James." And that leaves James wondering if this is just a dream too, because they've never really acknowledged the love "everyone with a pair of eyes can see", thank you very much Cris. His English isn't that good yet either, even though Toni's been trying to teach him some, but he knows enough to be fairly sure Toni just proclaimed his love for him. "Excuse me?" His voice sounds horrified, like this isn't something he's been longing to hear since Toni smiled at him for the first time. "I'm sorry James, I know this is a bad time, but I just had to tell you. I don't want you to not know about my love - to you." He continues hastily in stuttering Spanish. And it should be a bad time. Toni’s in a hurry, and James is still shaking from the freezing air condition and cold sweat.

James can't think of a better time.

"Toni." He says softly, like a prayer, because Toni's still rambling in Spanish so broken that James wants to laugh. "Toni." He says it more firmly this time, and finally Toni stops speaking. "I'm sorry Jam-" " _Shut up_!" This time James doesn't wait for Toni to start rambling again. "Toni, I have loved you for a very long time now." They had played a horrible match the day James finally realised his feelings. A match where they didn’t manage to score no matter how hard they tried, no matter how fast they ran. Afterwards, Toni had wrapped grasstained arms around him, and not let go until they both has stopped shaking. That was the first time James felt okay after a loss. Because he knew that Toni would be right there to bear the heavy weight with him, that he wouldn’t be alone in that suffocating sadness that came after every failed game.

James exhales deeply of the memory, and then he feels his cheeks heating up, because now Toni, and the hotel walls, and possibly his Colombian team mates next door if they listened well enough, knows that he loves Toni Kroos, knows that he adores him even more than his mothers  _plátanos calados. Dios mío_ , he's whipped 360 degrees around for the German, and he better know, before James sends him running with that god awful bawling of his and all his other imperfections. They’re both silent now, both wondering if the other is going to say something. None of them wants to break the spell, and they spend the time listening to each other breathing.

"I wish you were here." Toni murmurs tiredly, finally breaking the silence. "I wish you were here so I could kiss you until you're no longer scared. Until you'll smile again." The sentence makes James smile weakly. "I wish you were here." He replies back, just as exhausted, it’s the middle of the night, and they have a game tomorrow. "I want you here beside me right now." James knows he sounds incredibly naïve, but he doesn't care. He just wants to feel safe and protected. "I just need you here." Toni chuckles faintly. "You'll come home soon yeah?" He asks. James mood turns sourer. "We have a game tomorrow. I just want to go home." He whines.

Home. Home is two places. It's the Colombian coffee his mother drinks, the sunny summer days in Cúcuta. It's also Salome crawling in between him and Toni on Sunday mornings when they're still half asleep. Right now, James misses them both terribly.

"Is Salome alright?" At least he didn’t dream about her, he thinks briefly, his poor heart might've given out. "She's fine. Yesterday we went to the playground in the park after training. I might've bought her a Real Madrid kit with my number on it..." James sighs. "You need to stop buying her things whenever she asks for them! I don't want her to become spoiled." "But she's so cute. She wanted to wear it to daycare today, how adorable isn't that!" James shakes his head fondly, his mind suddenly far away from Toni underneath black tarp and lifeless eyes.

He looks briefly at the clock, he should probably go back to sleep. There’s an important match tomorrow, and he’s got to be in tiptop shape. "Send her lots of hugs and kisses from me, okay?" James isn't really worried about her, Toni is an amazing dad, and she adores him more than anything. James got no reason to worry. "Will do. I'm sure she'll be sending lots of love back." James laughs, a tiny, slightly wet, chuckle. "Okay." He whispers. "I love you James." James just lies there for a while before replying, reveling in the fact that Toni Kroos loves him. "I love you too. Stay safe until I get home, okay?" "Of course  _liebling_ , just come home as fast as you can, we miss you a lot." James' heart warms and he puts the phone down on the bed beside him. "I know you got training, but will you stay on the phone until I fall asleep?" He asks selfishly after putting the phone on speaker. "Of course." Is Toni's obvious reply, because James’ boyfriend is just too good to be true, and thus James falls asleep at 3am in a hotel bed that was made for two people, listening to Toni's soft humming over the Atlantic.

If James has to face a phone bill that would make his  _madre_ 's face the shade of a tomato, he doesn’t think too much of it. It was worth it just to hear Toni's voice. To know that he's okay and safe, just as James wants him to.


End file.
